


I Knew

by nandemonai



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'll add more as I update, M/M, Secrets, Spoilers, all of i7 appears for a bit but i'm not gonna add them lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 17:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nandemonai/pseuds/nandemonai
Summary: “Oh!” Momo pulled his arm away from Yuki, and shook his head. “…It’s nothing.” He opened the door, waved goodbye, and left. He felt sick as he walked away from the car, into his apartment. He didn’t like lying, but this had to be done. “I’m sorry.” He thought as he opened the apartment doors. He stepped in, and looked back to where Yuki had parked his car. “I can’t tell you.”Yuki didn’t need to know the truth.





	1. It's Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic is a story where Momo finds Banri, but doesn’t tell Yuki (and suffers)  
> Set before Story Three, Chapter 6-ish (SPOILERS)  
> We go into Momo’s POV(mostly) and see how he feels as he makes his decisions  
> I hope you enjoy! ^^ (No, Momo doesn’t find Banri before Yuki does in canon… at least not that I remember, so this is pretty off-canon I think)

 

                The concert had already started when Momo rushed in. He looked around, searching for his partner. “You’re late, Momo.” His partner was sitting in the back row, waiting for him. “I’m so, so sorry!” Momo said quietly. “I’ll explain—” He was cut off. “It’s okay, just come sit and listen. Our kouhais have improved much.” Yuki patted the seat next to him. There was no one else sitting nearby, they had reserved the entire back row for themselves.

                Momo sat down next to Yuki. He looked at the stage and let the music envelop him. “Hey! Girl! We are S, E, V, E, N… Here we go!!!” He heard. It was Memories Melodies. He vaguely remembered hearing this song at the Black and White Fantasia last year. This was iDOLiSH7’s song that won them the Male Idol category prize. Oh, how he had enjoyed hearing them perform it. The song had a fast pace and a catchy tune, making the listener want to sing and dance along. Momo hummed along with the melody, and found himself whispering the lyrics.

                Yuki looked at him with a thoughtful smile on his face. “You like it?” He asked, somewhat surprised. Yuki himself didn’t really like Memories Melodies compared to iDOLiSH7’s other songs. It was intriguing and pleasant to hear, but just not his kind of song.

                “It’s catchy.” Momo replied. He watched the seven boys onstage. They were singing and dancing, each doing their own parts almost perfectly. Their dance moves were sharp and the amount of time they put into practicing was showing in their accuracy. “Ne, Yuki.”

                “Yes?”

                “Do you think we look like that when we dance?” Momo wondered. He certainly put lots of effort and hard work into his dancing, but did he look that good on stage too?

                “What do you mean by that?” Yuki asked, amused. “There are many things to look at when we dance. There’s accuracy, feeling, momentum, rhythm, and many others.” He looked at his partner’s surprised face. _Momo_ certainly didn’t remember learning that. “Oh, don’t worry. We covered a lot of them during out dance practices, so I’m sure we look good on stage.”

                Momo nodded in agreement. “Right! We went over this sometime ago, didn’t we? I just think I forgot, hehe!” He vaguely remembered Okarin telling them about this dance stuff a few years ago, when they first started out. They had spent hours and hours practicing and learning about dance. Momo remembered spending nights alone in the dance studio, trying to catch up to Yuki. He had started dancing a few months after Yuki, but he had tried really hard to learn faster. He had to support Yuki and be his partner in Banri’s place, but he couldn’t do that if he just dragged Yuki down. He had worked harder and spent more time, and was able to do well enough to support Yuki.

                The two of them sat and enjoyed the rest of the concert, occasionally humming along with the song. Momo knew all of iDOLiSH7’s songs, but experiencing it live was refreshing. It reminded him of that certain concert where the accident had happened. He could never forget the sound the light fixture made when it came crashing down. Hopefully none of his kouhais had to ever experience that.

                “Thank you for coming, we hope you enjoyed the live!” iDOLiSH7’s center, Riku Nanase, said once the lights turned back on. The other six members said similar things, thanking and smiling at their fans. Mitsuki and Yamato had gotten several requests for signatures, so they were busy signing. Nagi was off charming pretty women, while Tamaki was asking some of his fans to send him King Pudding to the office. “Tamaki-kun, you already have a lot of pudding at home!” Sogo walked towards Tamaki with an annoyed face. “Please, don’t mind him!” He said to the fans, smiling apologetically. “You don’t have to send him anything!” The fans laughed and nodded, then turned away. The crowd began to dissipate, and the members of iDOLiSH7 made their way backstage.

                Momo looked at where they had gone and said, “Yuki, I’m going to go say hi to them, okay? Wait for me, I’ll be right back!” Yuki looked at him and nodded. “Okay, be quick. Don’t get lost.” Momo gave his partner a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, I won’t!” He smiled, trying to reassure Yuki.

                Momo walked towards where the seven boys had disappeared to. He opened the door that led backstage and stepped into the hall. He could hear some chatter in a nearby room. He walked towards the sound, and looked around him. There were two doors, one was labeled ‘Men’s Washroom’ and one was labeled ‘Lounge’. “ _That must be where they are!_ ” Momo thought. He was going to look through the little window on the door to see what who was inside, but someone started opening the door. “ _Crap!_ ” He darted into the washroom nearby, and peeked out to see who it was. 

                “Alright, boys! I’ll be leaving to go back to the office now! Have fun eating the food!” A figure with long, dark blue hair opened the door. “Thank you for the pudding!” Momo heard Tamaki’s voice say. “It’s no problem.” The man replied, smiling. He stepped out and closed the door behind him. “They’re such good boys..” The man said to himself, thinking that nobody was listening. He then exited through another door that led outside.

                Momo was trembling. He had kept the washroom door slightly open, and had been watching the man. “ _It can’t be…”_ He stepped out of the washroom and looked at the door that Banri Ogami had exited from. He had been searching for Banri for almost five years, along with Yuki. “ _It really is Ban-san, isn’t it?”_ Part of him was happy that he’d found him. Happy that he’d fulfilled his promise to Yuki, that they would find Banri before five years ended. He should go back out and tell Yuki right away.

                But he couldn’t. The other part of him was sad, and scared. If he told Yuki, then their five-year agreement would end. Momo didn’t want that. He didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to keep working with Yuki, forever and ever, until either of them died. If Yuki found out that Banri was right there, then he’d leave Momo and go on to continue working with Banri. No, Momo didn’t want that. He didn’t want that at all. He couldn’t let Yuki leave him. Yuki didn’t need to know.

                Momo knocked on the lounge door and said, “Open up! It’s your favorite senpai~!” The lounge door opened a few seconds later. “Momorin! Did you bring any pudding?” Tamaki greeted him, and the others followed. “Ignore him, Momo-san! Anyways, come in!” “Hi, Momo-san! Do you want some food?” “Nice to see you again, Momo-san!” “Were you watching our live, Momo-san? I hope you enjoyed it.” “Mister Momo, you look amazing like always!” “Momo-kun, come in, come in!” Momo was led to a sofa, where his kouhais had put out several plates of food. “You can eat as much as you want, we brought too much!” Sogo said, scratching his head. Momo smiled and picked up a plate. “Thanks! I have the best kouhais ever!”

                The eight of them started chatting about the concert. “You guys were awesome! I loved it!” Momo exclaimed. “Your songs and dances were so full of energy, I almost stood up and danced along!”

                “Hehe, Momo-san, you don’t have to flatter us!” Riku came over and laughed. “We’re not that good! At least, not that good compared to Re:vale!”

                “Hmm, you’re right. Nothing can compare to Yuki’s amazing dancing!” Momo smiled. He could spend days just watching Yuki dance. Years, even. Heck, he could watch Yuki dance for his entire life and still not get bored. “But honestly, you were good. Very good! You’ve improved a lot!”

                “Thank you! We wouldn’t be this good without our amazing senpais though!” Riku smiled back. “Now, eat!” He pushed a plate of food towards Momo. But no matter how much Momo loved food, he couldn’t forget the person he’d seen.

                Momo left almost half and hour later. “Ahh, shoot!” He said to himself, walking back to where he came from. “Yuki’s gonna be mad at me!” He took out his phone to check it just in case Yuki had left anything. He was right, he’d gotten a text. ‘I’m waiting for you in the car, please hurry, it’s getting late’ It read. “Crap!” Momo hurried out and jogged towards the parking lot.

                He arrived a few minutes later. “I’m so sorry, Yuki!” Momo said as he sat down in the front passenger seat.

                “Hm? What happened?” Yuki asked. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, seatbelt buckled and ready to drive. “Did you see someone?”

                Momo put on his seatbelt. “..No.” He hoped that Yuki didn’t notice the slight hesitation in his voice. He didn’t need to know.

                “Oh?” Yuki started the car and backed out of their parking space. “Then why are you so late?”

                “Well, you see...” Momo scratched his head. “They were eating, and they made me eat too. I might’ve gotten too engrossed in the food, hehe~!”

                “Is that it?” Yuki drove out of the parking lot and took a right turn. “Was the food good?”

                “Yeah!” Momo smiled. “It was delicious! There were cupcakes! They tasted really, really good!”

                “I see…” Yuki said. “It’s good that you enjoyed it.”

                “..Yeah.” Momo said. They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, neither of them saying anything to each other. Momo felt awkward. He’d normally strike up a conversation, or joke about something, but he didn’t really want to talk to Yuki at the moment. The memory of seeing that person was still too fresh in his mind.

                Yuki parked the car outside of Momo’s apartment and unlocked the doors. He looked at Momo, waiting for him to say something, but Momo had a thoughtful, slightly sad look on his face. Was he daydreaming? Yuki wondered. “Hey, Momo.”

                Momo jolted back to reality at the sound of Yuki’s voice. “Eh? Oh, sorry, I was thinking about something.” He looked outside at his apartment, and unbuckled his seatbelt. He was about to open the door when Yuki stopped him briefly.

                “Momo…” Yuki said, gently holding Momo’s arm. “Is something wrong?” He looked at Momo, studying his eyes. They weren’t clear as bright, like normal. They looked kind of different, but he couldn’t really tell why…

                “Oh!” Momo pulled his arm away from Yuki, and shook his head. “…It’s nothing.” He opened the door, waved goodbye, and left. He felt sick as he walked away from the car, into his apartment. He didn’t like lying, but this had to be done. _“I’m sorry.”_ He thought as he opened the apartment doors. He stepped in, and looked back to where Yuki had parked his car. _“I can’t tell you.”_  

                Yuki didn’t need to know the truth.

 

\--

END OF CHAPTER ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! ^^  
> This'll probably be a project that I'll be working on for a while, I'll try to update when I can  
> If you liked it, feel free to leave a comment/kudos!


	2. Mirrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter mentions of suicide
> 
> hope you enjoy! ^^

                _“I don’t need you anymore, Momo.” Yuki smirked and turned away, his back facing Momo. “It was terrible working with you anyways.” His white cape fluttered behind him as he walked away from Momo._

_This couldn’t be happening. No. Yuki, No. Momo was on his knees, tears streaming from his eyes. “…Yuki, what did I do wrong?” He cried. “I didn’t do anything!” He reached his right arm towards him, trying to hold onto something, anything that would keep him with Yuki. He grabbed and grabbed at him, each time holding onto nothing but thin air._

_“You’re too naïve. I could never actually work with someone like you.” His cold laugh sent chills down Momo’s spine. “I can’t believe I tolerated you for so long.” Yuki shook his head in disappointment, walking farther and farther away from Momo._

_“Let’s go, Yuki.” Another voice said. Banri. “Don’t associate with rascals like him.” Banri glared and sneered at Momo. “Leave Yuki alone, you filth. He deserves someone better than you. Someone like me.” He smirked and turned around, putting an arm around Yuki. “Let’s go.” He repeated._

_“No!” Momo wanted to stand up, but couldn’t. There were blood-red chains around his wrists and ankles. He tugged at the chains, but they wouldn’t budge. He was trapped in place, unable to move. “Yuki! Don’t go with him!” He screamed as loudly as he could. His lungs hurt afterwards, but they didn’t hurt as much as his heart did. “Why…” He whimpered as the two figures became silhouettes, leaving him behind. “Why did this happen?!” He cried, watching them disappear._

                Momo woke up in a cold sweat. He felt dried tears on his face, and a weight on his wrists and ankles. “It was…just a dream?” He looked around him. There were no chains around him, he was just in his bedroom. It was a dream, he told himself. A dream, and nothing more. It didn’t mean anything. It was all just a dream. Yet part of him couldn’t shake off the cold glare that Banri had given him. It may have been a dream, but it had _felt_ unbelievably real.

                Momo looked at the clock. It read 8:48am. “Shoot, I’ll be late if I don’t hurry.” He muttered as he got out of bed. He picked up the ring that he kept on his nightstand. Yuki had designed it for him, and he had sworn to always keep it on, except for when he was showering or sleeping. He smiled to himself and put it on his right hand. He folded his blankets and organized his pillows, then walked into his bathroom. He turned on the water tap, setting the water temperature to warm. He took his towel and soaked it, then wiped his face. The water rushed over him, waking him up. He put down his towel and looked at himself in the mirror. A stressed, unhappy version of him looked back. “ _Why are you hiding?”_ His reflection seemed to say. Momo shook his head, trying to shake the question out of his brain.

                He walked back into his bedroom a few minutes later. He picked up his phone, which he had also left on his nightstand, and dialed Yuki’s number. He picked up after three rings. “Hello…” Yuki’s tired, not-fully-awake voice said. Momo paused, thinking. He had forgotten what he was going to say. What did he normally say after? He tried to remember, but nothing was coming to him.

                “…Momo? Are you okay?” Yuki asked, louder and clearer. “Is something wrong?” Momo could hear the worry in his voice. It touched Momo’s heart, and helped him find his words. “Ah, nothing’s wrong! Sorry if I worried you, I was spacing out, hehe~!” Momo said, trying to reassure Yuki. He heard Yuki sigh in relief. “Are you awake now, Darling?”

                “No…” He heard Yuki yawn. “I don’t want to wake up…” A shuffling noise came through the phone, probably Yuki crawling back into bed.

                “No, Yuki! You have to wake up! We have to go to work!” Momo said, not wanting to be late. “I’ll keep talking to you until you wake up!” He walked to his closet and started picking out an outfit.

                The two of them kept talking over the phone, while getting ready for work. Yuki kept complaining that it was too early to wake up, but Momo kept telling him that it wasn’t, and that he should learn to wake up by himself. Momo could hear Yuki moving around, trying to get his things together. He hung up once he was completely sure that Yuki was fully awake. “I’ll see you at the office, Darling!”

                They spent the morning together, practicing for their Fifth Year Anniversary concert that was coming up. They danced and sang, giving each other suggestions on how to improve, and talked about which moves would look better. Okarin occasionally poked his head into their dance studio and told them to quiet down a bit, to not be so loud, that they were bothering him. The two of them would apologize, and continue practicing. Momo enjoyed these kinds of days, spending time alone with Yuki, working on nothing but dance and music.

                Hours passed by quickly. “Ahh, I’m so hungry!” Momo exclaimed. They were on their lunch break, and he was completely exhausted. “Let’s go eat outside, Yuki!” He walked out of the dance studio, and into the hallway.

                Yuki followed him, and said. “Sure, I’m pretty tired right now anyways.” He opened the door that led to Okarin’s office and told their manager that they’d be going out for a bit. Okarin gave them a thumbs up and shooed them out.

                They walked to a nearby ramen place. “Yuki, what do you want to eat?” Momo said as they sat down. He picked up a menu, looking for the vegetarian dishes. Yuki would want something with absolutely no meat. He scanned over the list of ramens, and picked out one that sounded delicious. “How about this?” He asked, pointing at the menu. Yuki leaned over, and looked at what Momo was pointing at. “Miso tofu ramen… Hmm, sounds pretty nice.” Yuki sat back down in his seat. “I’m trusting you, Momo. Don’t make me eat something disgusting.” Momo smiled and laughed. “Don’t worry, Yuki! I’m sure it tastes fine!”

                A waitress came over a few minutes later. “What would you two gentlemen like for lunch?” She asked politely. “I’ll have a tonkotsu ramen, and Yuki’ll have a miso tofu ramen!” Momo chirped, smiling. “Oooh, interesting choice!” The waitress said, taking their menus. “Is that all?” Momo nodded, and the waitress smiled and walked back towards the kitchen.

                “Hey, Momo.” Yuki said once the waitress left. Momo could hear the worry in his voice. “Are you all right?”

                “W-what?” Momo stuttered. “Why would you ask that?”

                Yuki sighed, and looked at him. “I don’t know. I just feel like you aren’t yourself right now.” He shook his head. Momo looked fine, happy and cheerful like usual. “Oh, what am I saying. Ignore me, I’m speaking nonsense, aren’t I?”

                _“You’re right, there’s something wrong.”_ He wanted to say. _“I found Ban-san, but I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want you to ditch me for Ban-san, Yuki!”_ He tried to form the words in his mouth, but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried to tell the truth, there was always a part of him that wanted to hide it.

“Yuki is worrying about me, I’m so happy!” Momo said instead. He tried to cover up his thoughts by putting on a bright smile. “Don’t worry, I’m all right! There’s nothing wrong! I’m your cute Momo-chan!” He made a heart with his hands and winked.

Yuki laughed. “Cute.” He tried to copy Momo’s hand-heart, and winked. “Am I doing this right?”

Momo’s face turned red. “Uwaah! Yuki, you’re such an ikemen!” He felt his heart pounding faster and faster. “So cool, and cute! I love you!”

“Ufufu.” Yuki patted Momo’s head, and smiled. He felt his stomach rumble. “I’m hungry. Where’s our food?”

“Right… here!” The waitress that had taken their order walked to their table. “Here is your tonkotsu ramen, and here is your miso tofu ramen! Enjoy!”

“Ah, it looks so good! Let’s eat!” Momo said, picking up his chopsticks. “Let’s eat.” Yuki repeated, and the two of them started eating. “This is so good.” “Let me try some! … Oh! This is really tasty!” “Let me try some of yours.” “Okay!” “I like yours better, let’s trade.” “No! Hehe!” “Hmph.” The two of them enjoyed their lunches a lot, and finished quickly.

“I’m so full now, that was amazing!” Momo exclaimed. He stood up and said, “Excuse me, I’ll be right back!” He said, looking for the washroom. “Alright, I’ll go pay the bill.” Yuki called after him.

He found it almost immediately. He turned on the water tap, and put his hands under the running water. The warmth was comforting. He turned off the tap and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. None of his normal cheerfulness was showing. Instead, he looked miserable and hopeless. _“Stop lying to him!”_ His reflection said to him. “ _He deserves to know!”_ He shook his head and stepped away from the mirror. He turned around, and hurriedly left the washroom.

He wasn’t looking where he was going. He just wanted to get far, far away from those cursed mirrors. He didn’t need them to tell him what he should do. They were just mirrors, after all. And he was the one who was in control of his actions. A simple reflection’s words shouldn’t be able to change his mind, and he wasn’t going to.

_Crash!_

He had walked into a waiter who had been holding several dishes of food. He could only watch and stare as the plates fell to the ground. He saw the waiter try to catch one of them, but missed, only causing it to fall faster. It was a mess. The food splattered on the ground, and the plates shattered into pieces. Momo stared as they fell, unable to do anything to help.   

“I’m so, so, so sorry!” Momo exclaimed, bowing. The waiter didn’t say anything to him, just glared at him and called out for some cleaning materials. “It was an accident! I wasn’t looking…”

“Momo, it’s okay.” Yuki was behind him. He put his hand on Momo’s shoulder and said to the waiter, “I’m very sorry that this happened. Please, let your manager know that Okazaki Productions will pay for anything we broke today. It won’t happen again.” The man grunted, and started cleaning up.

Yuki led Momo out of the restaurant. “What were you doing?!” He asked furiously once they were outside. “I-I wasn’t looking, I know! It’s my fault!” Momo said apologetically. “It’s all my fault! I’m sorry!” Yuki sighed. “Just look where you’re going next time, okay?” Momo nodded. “I promise, it won’t happen again!” Yuki smiled. “Good. Let’s go back.”

Momo felt kind of weird when they arrived back at the office. Like he was missing something important. His hands felt light, too light. He shook his head. Maybe he was imagining things.

He didn’t find out what was wrong until that night before he got into the shower. He was bringing his clothes into the bathroom, and had taken his shirt off when he realized that something was missing. He reached to his right hand, about to take off his ring, but when he touched his fingers, the ring wasn’t there. It wasn’t on his hand at all.

He stared at his right hand with wide, shocked eyes. He couldn’t believe it. The ring was very, very important. It marked his five-year agreement with Yuki. If he lost it, then he really didn’t deserve to stand next to Yuki. If he lost it, then… maybe Banri was right. Maybe he really was too naïve, too dirty for Yuki.

He racked his brain for any recent memories of his ring. Where he had been, when, anything at all. Had he _really_ lost his most precious possession? No, there was no way. It was just him forgetting it in his bedroom, wasn’t it?

Momo rushed to his room, frantically searching for his ring. He didn’t bother putting his shirt back on, the ring was much more important. He looked everywhere, on his desk, his nightstand, in his closet, and even under the bed. Nothing. It wasn’t there. His legs were shaking. He sat down on the floor next to his bed, looking at the wall in front of him. He really didn’t remember anything at all. He couldn’t recall when he had last worn the ring. Maybe he really wasn’t good enough for Yuki.

Oh, right! Maybe he left it on his kitchen counter! He brightened up at the possibility. He ran to the kitchen, hoping that it was there. He looked in all the drawers, all the cabinets, even in the oven, but couldn’t find it. It wasn’t there. It never had been there. He stared at the bare kitchen counter, feeling hopeless. No. This wasn’t real. This was another dream, wasn’t it?

He took out a chef’s knife from the knife drawer and held it out in front of him. He inspected it, looking at the sharp edge. If he just thrust… He could end all of this in an instant. It was that easy. No. He shook his head, clearing away the thought. What was he thinking? Self-harm wasn’t the way out.

He looked at his mini-reflection on the side of the knife. He smiled, but his reflection didn’t smile back. His reflection looked restless, unhappiness showing in his eyes. “ _Just give—”_ Momo dropped the knife back into the drawer before he could hear what the reflection was going to say. He didn’t need a knife to tell him what to do.

He slowly walked back into his bathroom and stood in front of his mirror. He looked hopeless and miserable. His legs gave out under him, and he felt his head hit the floor. Banri had been right. He wasn't good enough for Yuki. He never would be. His eyelids felt heavy. The world span and his vision turned into an unending abyss of blackness. 

\--

END OF CHAPTER TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!  
> Feel free to leave a comment/kudos if you liked it ^^
> 
> I'm sorry I had to leave you with momo in such a bad position :p


End file.
